In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
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Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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