so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
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I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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