that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize