The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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