i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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