Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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