i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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