haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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