Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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