my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize