So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
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I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
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She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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