if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize