omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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