So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
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he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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