please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize