I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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