He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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