I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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