long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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