I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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