The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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