dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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