so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
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Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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