Please, let me fuck your mom
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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