I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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