I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
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Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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