just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize