She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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