so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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