saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize