I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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