I puked a lego.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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