i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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