ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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