Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
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30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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