Cold hands, warm shart.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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