i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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