First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize