Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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