...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
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How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
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She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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