a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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