I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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