i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
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I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
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You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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