I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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