just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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