I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize