he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
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She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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