Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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