Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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