I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
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College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
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Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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